If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
