Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
