this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish you could order shots online.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize