I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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