Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
