Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
