college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
