i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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