Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
