the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
