And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it glows. i had to have it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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