You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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