When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
