He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
