so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
