dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this just has baby written all over it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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