3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
