im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize