just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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