i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
