Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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