Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
