I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My penis needs a shock collar
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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