If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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