I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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