well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
