it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
