She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
