guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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