my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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