you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
