True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
