aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
