Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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