dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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