im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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