grandma shit on top of the toilet
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dear god my vagina.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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