I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
how drunk are you?
Several
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