I must be too annoying 4 u.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
