he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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