I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
