i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
