He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Bring me that man meat
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
