I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
