i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
