omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize