I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
