You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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