We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
