her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
