I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
