it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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