they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
