I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
