Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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