They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
