i just wanna soil my oats bro
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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