real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
