Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
