Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Randomize
