We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
