I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
