she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
