It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
