Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
