A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
