6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
