My sheets look like a crime scene.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
