look no pants
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
