mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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