it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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