Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
