If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
