I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
