im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think people are normalizing furries
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
