where am i from again
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
