it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
