I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
