took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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