I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just pee around me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
