Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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