I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dignity is for republicans.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize