I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
