Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize