party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it's like iHOP with fire
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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